The Mask

Don't be fooled by me
Don't be fooled by the face I wear,
for I wear a thousand masks,
masks that I'm afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art which is second nature to me -
but don't be fooled, for God's sake don't be fooled.

I give the impression that I'm secure, sunny and unruffled,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command, and that I need no-one.

But don't believe me. Please.

That surface may seem smooth,
but my surface is my mask.
Beneath this lies no complacency.
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion,
in fear and aloneness.

But I hide this. I don't want anyone to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear of being exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant, sophisticated facade to help me to pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only salvation, and I know it - that is,
if it is followed by acceptance,
if it is followed by Love;

it is the only thing which will assure me
of what I can't assure myself -
that I'm worth something.

But I don't tell you this. I don't dare, I'm afraid to - afraid your glance will not
be followed by acceptance, will not be followed by Love.

I'm afraid that you will think less of me,
that you will laugh at me,
and your laugh would kill me!
I'm afraid that deep down I'm nothing, that I'm no good,
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate game,
with a facade of assurance without,
and a trembling child within.

And so begins the parade of masks. And my life becomes a front.

I chatter idly to you of superficialities.
I tell you everything that is really nothing,
and nothing of what is everything -
of what is crying within me.

So when I'm going through my routine,
do not be fooled by what I'm saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what, for survival, need to say but can't.

I dislike hiding - honestly! I dislike the phoney game I'm playing.

I'd really like to be genuine and spontaneous and me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that is the last thing that I seem to want.

Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of breathing death.
only you can call me to aliveness.

Each time you are kind and gentle and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings,
very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!

With your sensitivity and sympathy and your power of understanding
you can breathe life into me.

I want you to know that. I want you to know how important you are to me, how

You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble.
You alone can remove my mask.
You alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic and uncertainty,
from my lonely person.

Do not pass me by.
Please do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The more closely you approach me, the more blindly I strike back.

But I am told that love is stronger than walls,
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands
but with gentle hands...for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well,
for I am every man that you meet,
and I am every woman that you meet.

Chair's welcome for our poetry night

I'd like to talk to you all about a subject close to my heart

No one was looking at mental health so we made a start

We wanted to bring it up as an important topic

Because when people ignore it, that's what gets on our wick

We held a meeting last May to see who would come

And since then we've done loads of work and had lots of fun

Fundraising's our aim to bring services to the town

And driving the stigma around it right down

We believe mental health is on a par with the physical stuff

And those who cope with illnesses are really quite tough

It's hard to find doctors who help and can seem like a task

We want there to be services out there when people ask

Thanks for coming to listen to a few poems tonight

We hope you'll think about donating to make the future bright

If you want to come along and get involved in MHAG

There's a monthly meeting, you won't find it a drag

In between we go to lots of different places

So you might think you've already seen our faces

If you want more information please come and find me

Or Beccy Blake who's my right hand lady

For now I'll end this poem and say goodnight

Because some of my rhymes are really quite shi...

What makes me happy?

A few days back I posted the results of an artwork project with Birchensale Middle School where the children were asked what made them happy. Going back through the art created by the children last year made me think a little more about what makes me happy (something I thought a lot about over the summer while recovering from what the health professionals dub a 'depressive episode'). I thought if you'd allow me to indulge myself - and perhaps make you think about it too! - I'd share some of my thoughts:

My support network:
How often do we hear those words banded about? Especially when talking about mental health. But really and truly, having friends and family around me is something I valued more than anything else when I was poorly and they got me through some pretty bad days. It's horrible to think some people don't have that love there surrounding them (or perhaps just can't see it because of their illness). I guess that was part of the reason for being involved in a charitable organisation - if attending an MHAG meeting, getting to know our members, reading stuff we write on various social media outlets or being able to access some services through MHAG helps people feel they have a support network there then we've done what we set out to do!

Writing:
As many people know, I'm a journalist by trade so writing is something I do every single day. When I was younger I wrote copious amounts of short stories, poems, letters etc - filling up numerous notebooks or typing away on the computer for hours. Over the years as the pressures of being an adult with all the associated responsibilities grew, I lost that desire to sit down and write somewhere along the way (having time to do it is always an issue too!). On the first day I went into Hillcrest I decided my recovery project would be to complete a journal for 100 days. I took this as an opportunity not only to document what life was like on a mental health ward and immediately after being discharged, but also to delve back into my life and the important episodes - good and bad - which had shaped it. I would whole-heartedly recommend this to anyone! Or if you're not a fan of writing, perhaps something else creative which you can take some time out of the daily grind of life to complete?

Learning how to relax:
Many people, myself included, are guilty of living at 100mph - constantly rushing around and doing something. I know especially when I'm unwell I'm prone to cover up any signs of the illness by taking on more and more and making myself busy all the time. When I first knew I was becoming more unwell, I was in the midst of planning our first Wellbeing Week while launching a new paper at work and training for the Birmingham Half Marathon. Most people would have got to the end of that hectic period and sat down for a little rest - not me. I kept on at that pace for months before my mind (and my body) was screaming at me to stop and essentially gradually I shut down bit by bit until I wasn't functioning at all.
The first day in Hillcrest was probably the first time I'd sat and done absolutely nothing (except for some sudoku, reading and writing) for about a year. When I got out I found some Youtube videos about muscle relaxation and guided meditation and used those to get back on track with my sleeping. It's not easy and I'm by no means an expert but I definitely try and carve out a little time for myself each week - whether it's just to scroll absentmindedly through Twitter for a while or have an early night. Sometimes if you're so busy rushing through it and forget to stop and look around you, you miss all the good things which are actually happening!

MHAG:
Myself and vice-chair Beccy often joke MHAG is our baby but being involved in it since its inception - from those very early chats between the two of us wondering if we could get some interested people together to talk about mental health, to today when I get to meet with all sorts of people and chat about the issue and help organise fund-raisers and awareness-raising events - is without doubt one of the most rewarding things I've ever done.
Many people tell me trying to run MHAG alongside holding down a full-time job is too stressful and I should consider giving it up but I truly believe I wouldn't be as happy without it. It gives me a huge sense of pride to look at how it's grown and a feeling of excitement thinking about where we could take it in the future. Every single meeting, I still marvel at the fact people have come together to talk about mental health and there are so many motivated, intelligent, compassionate, creative, wonderful people who call themselves MHAG members!
So a little thank you from me to everyone here. Without getting too gushy (I have a real tendency to!) I truly admire every single person who's had the courage to come and share their experiences with us, I truly respect all of the members who give up their free time to make MHAG happen and I truly have made friends with some of the most fantastic people you could hope to meet through this little organisation which has come so far in the last two years.

Thank you,
Harriet.

What makes you happy?

Way back in October 2013 as we launched our first Wellbeing Week, Birchensale Middle School got on board with the message we were sending out and decided to run a project with their Year 6 children - getting them to talk about mental health (in a way which was age-appropriate). Part of that was drawing, colouring or painting what made them happy. We then displayed the results at the Abbey Stadium during our Feel Good Revolution day down there. It seemed a shame for more people not to see the thoughtful, colourful and inventive display they came up with so here's a look at their artwork:

Our mascot - your designs

At a few of our events we've given the borough's youngsters the chance to colour in and mascot and some have even come up with a name for him. We thought it'd be nice to share some of the designs with everyone!

If you want to complete a design or come up with a name for him, why not pop along to one of our events or get in touch with us!

A purging of happiness

This poem was written by an anonymous poet and read out at our poetry night by vice-chair Rebecca.

A binding in the Throat -

Metallic mercury mucous blocks Truth.

A pounding inside the Head -

His steel capped boots push and press and crack

The Skull; my Perion.

The fizzing in my Lungs -

Cyanide soup is my oxygen.

A slashing in the Stomach -

Sardonic Satanic slugs slither out from in.

Spewed are thy Organs -

The Intestine, a worm unravelling defencelessley.

Help.

Plonk goes the Liver and Dong goes a Kidney.

What is left?

You have it all.

He has it all.

Him.

A scarred nostalgia for thee, yet a

pleasant narcissim for He.

Now He asks for my Heart, but He took that

portion years ago.

He overpowered it in seconds.

He rusted it in minutes.

He covered it with blistering hate.

And then -

He burned it in wood and fire.

He can have what sits in its place, yes.

The only yes I have ever and will ever give to

Him.

But that is not a Heart, not anymore.

That is a shrivelled reality of He -

It is imprinted with His purge on my childhood.

For this Life is not a Life but an Episode.

That plays over and over and over and over -

We wait for an applause, a record or a pause

We pray that She may take it away

Those melancholy memories

That play in My chapter of a thousand page

book

Hundreds feel the soreness of soiled court

And there is help

In the custom of Victim Support

Friends, don't suffer the torment

For although you may want to lament

Now is the time for us all to ascent

Together.

To the prosperous land of beauties

To the field of finer daisies

There I found my missing Heart

In my friendship and my family.

For it was never taken, just forgotten.

There is light in All darkness

And you Will find it,

My friends.

Never give in and never let them win.

Our jigsaw project

We are currently in the process of speaking to people about a jigsaw project we hope to launch in 2015. We're inviting all organisations in Redditch to register their interest in the project and then we'll get everyone together to start organising it.

Aim:

The aim of the project is to focus on all of the aspects which together make up a person's quality of life including their mental and physical health, by looking at three aspects: how they can keep themselves happy and well, how they can help a friend and how they can help the community. Through this project, we hope to engage as many people as possible within Redditch to take part in at least one activity which will promote not only the specific aims of the project but also those of the organisations taking part from the voluntary and community sector.

How it will work:

Participants will work towards being 'Health Smart' by collecting pieces of a jigsaw, which together will make up an entire body. The jigsaw is made up of six pieces, which each represent a part of happiness/quality of life: the head (mental health), chest (heart health ie looking after friends and family), stomach (food), left arm (community), right arm (creativity) and legs (physical health).

There will be a number of sessions and activities run from the start of 2015 right through to Wellbeing Week in October which will focus specifically on one aspect of the jigsaw – for example comedy, writing or sewing sessions for creativity, making and preparing meals for food or sport for physical health. Once a person has attended one of the sessions, they will be given the corresponding jigsaw piece and it is hoped people will work towards attending six sessions throughout the year and thus being able to complete the jigsaw.

Organisation:

The project will bring together a consortium of organisations, mostly from the voluntary and community sector, who will put forward one leader for each of the six identified health factors (mental health, heart health, food, community, creativity and physical health). Each of the six leaders will be responsible for putting together a programme of activities leading up to October next year, liaising with as many relevant other organisations as possible and in encouraging people to join in and collect the jigsaw piece which matches their factor.

As a whole, the consortium members will also be responsible for promoting the project as widely as they can through the media, existing contact lists, liaising with the public and private sectors and promoting it at any events they host or attend.

Mission statement:

To engage and unite as many different groups and individuals within Redditch in a project to celebrate all aspects of health and wellbeing incorporating mental health, heart health, food, community, creativity and physical health. By giving thanks for positive factors within their lives, encouraging them to think about how they can improve less positive aspects of their emotional or physical health and by focusing not only on self-health but also the health of other people and the community as a whole, this will spread awareness of the different aspects which come together to improve their quality of life.

What are the issues and what are the solutions we are offering?:

Lack of awareness about the meaning of words such as mental health and wellbeing

• Sessions which will specifically inform people about the meanings, solutions to work towards better mental health and wellbeing.
• A visual representation (with the jigsaw) of what exactly incorporates health.
• A chance to learn more about aspects of health which they may not be familiar with.

A perceived lack of input from statutory services surrounding lower level mental health issues (ie they don't step in until the situation has reached crisis point

• Opportunities to meet people in similar situations, engage in positive activities and form new groups.
• Information and signposting towards relevant services which could assist.
• A chance for those struggling and the people who are looking after them to 'have a break' away from the issues faced.

There are so many organisations within the voluntary sector, often they are unaware exactly what is going on with other groups

• Closer working opportunities between all of the groups within the Redditch voluntary sector.
• The chance for groups to join together to offer activities, thus increasing the time and potentially the funding available for them, as well as the number of volunteers able to help.

Often the focus with mental health is on the negative aspects, such as the problems within the statutory services

• Turning the focus around so it is on positive activities being provided in Redditch.
• Giving people the chance to talk to others about what helped them when they were facing issues.
• Giving people a wide variety of activities to take part in, for example: sport, writing, cooking etc.

Mental health in the workplace

Interested in mental health in the workplace? Why not come along to our event on Tuesday, December 2 (5.30pm to 7pm at Redditch Town Hall) to find out more. E-mail redditchmhag@gmail.com or call 07788 379389 to confirm your attendance.

The true cost of mental health – Facts and figures:

22.8 per cent of the total cost of disability in the UK. (Department for Health)

£105.2billion costs each year to the economy including direct costs of services, lost productivity at work and reduce quality of life. (Department for Health)

At any one time, a sixth of the working age population of Great Britain experiences symptoms such as sleep problems, fatigue, irritability and worry which do not meet the criteria for a diagnosis of a mental disorder but which can affect their ability to function adequately. A further sixth have problems which do meet the criteria. (Office for National Statistics)

Across the world, mental health problems account for an estimated 13 per cent of all lost years of healthy life. (World Health Organisation)

Impaired work efficiency due to mental ill health costs £15.1billion a year - £605 for every employee in the UK - absenteeism costs £8.4billion - £335 per employee – and replacing staff who leave due to mental health issues £2.4billion - £95 per employee . (Sainsbury Centre)

About half of employers would not wish to employ a person with a psychiatric diagnosis. (Manning and White)

In one study, 6.3 per cent of workers with a serious mental illness reported they had been fired, laid off or told to resign. (Baldwin and Marcus)

About one seventh of days lost due to mental health problems are attributed to work-related mental ill health (Sainsbury Centre)

But:

Researchers have concluded work is actually beneficial to wellbeing, for those not working getting back into work can improve their condition and unemployment is associated with increased rates of suicide. Work can give the person a social identity and status, support, a means of structuring their time and a sense of personal achievement. People with mental health problems are especially sensitive to the negative effects of being out of work and the potential social exclusion as a result.

It is estimated only three per cent of firms have a comprehensive occupational health service, although around 15 per cent have more basic support. The occupational health worker is likely to need support from mental health specialists to deal with those experiencing issues. Screening can provide an idea of which teams or departments may be experiencing a higher rate of problems and enable bosses to start looking at any potential reasons behind this.

The hope of campaigners and employees alike is companies will create a culture where people feel able to discuss difficulties with their managers and this will be dealt with appropriately (within the limits of what the organisation can provide) to ensure it does not develop into a larger problem.

Employee assistance programmes, many of which provide counselling, are growing in popularity among companies as are other schemes which focus on either the prevention of mental health issues or support for those with existing issues.

Getting the most out of employees:

Stress management techniques.

Brief individual therapy.

Interventions which address both individual and company-wide factors.

Regular contact from a line manager for those who are off work.

MHAG mentoring launch event

 

We would like to invite you to the launch of a new project in Redditch which has been formed from the Mental Health Action Group led by Rebecca Blake and Harriet Ernstsons. The event is on

Tuesday 2nd December at Redditch Town Hall  5.30pm - 7pm

A glass of wine or tea/ coffee and light refreshments will be available on the evening.

The event is to raise awareness of the work that MHAG is doing in the community by providing regular one to one support from life coaches to residents with low level mental health issues. It will also provide you with an opportunity to network and meet other local business, statutory and third sector organisations and learn about new initiatives from RBC about promoting well- being at work.

Please join Rebecca, Harriet and the MHAG team and learn about new projects in the Borough to promote well being.

RSVP

redditchmhag@gmail.com
07788 379389

Harriet & Rebecca

MHAG Redditch

Save the date - our spring ball!

A Cruce Salus

Another of the poems shared at our poetry evening:


A Cruce Salus
By Natalie Brookes

Watching intently categorizing, analysing
Observing that which is only visible under a lens, human behaviour in all of its brutalising form
Genetic mutations, malfunctions, mutilations
A Cruce Salus
The brain consciousness, unconsciousness, sanity insanity, miswired rewired, encoded decoded
Buetiful monsters perfectly faulty within the data set
A cruce Salus
The robotic masses coded, socialised, psychoanalyzed, traumatised, victimised
Saved only by a little pill, a talking therapy, transactional analysis,
Spirituality hanging from a rope, cutting its own throwt, slicing each healing word, sentence by sentence, vowel by vowel metaphor by metaphor simile by simile
A cruce Salus
Cos every effort to save my life has a subtext
A benefit cost analysis
Very few of us ever achieve Maslow's Hierarchy of needs
What is my worth a pence, a pound, a hundred, a thousand
I realise it's a postcode lottery
Cos I know the true price of CBT
The value the worth of a mind, a personality, cos many of those who have already been lost are already dead, dead to themselves
A cruce Salus
They feel separate worthless and insignificant and the words 'I love you' fall on deaf ears and that's the real tragedy that the lives most affected by madness are the most profoundly visionary
So I leave these words with you and I hope they find you peace as they did with me
A Cruce Salus Salvation comes from the cross