My mental health New Year's resolutions

It's the time of year now, with all the indulgence of Christmas pretty much over, when people start thinking about their New Year's resolutions. There's always the standard ones of shifting a few pounds, joining a gym, stopping smoking etc. and I'm sure I'll pledge to do a few things myself, forget about them and then bemoan my lack of progress in November/December 2015! But one thing I can be sure of is my continued dedication to the mental health cause, so to that end I've put together a list of eight resolutions:

My mental health New Year's Resolutions:

1. Not ever feel worried about sharing my mental health story - it could potentially help people to know about it whereas no one will benefit if I remain silent.
2. Continue pushing MHAG's aims of tackling stigma, promoting services and pushing for better services.
3. Speak up whenever I see mental health not being treated as importantly as physical health.
4. Look out for those who could be struggling from mental health issues, even if they are hidden, and act where I can to alleviate those issues.
5. Recognise the symptoms of my own mental health issues and act more quickly if they start worsening.
6. Read as much as I can about developments in law, treatments and charity campaigns.
7. Plan a fund-raising challenge in aid of MHAG.
8. Finish editing my journal about my experience of recovery.

Functioning with a mental health illness

The more I get into the world of mental health the more I become convinced most people broadly fit into one of two categories: non-functioning or functioning.

The first group is the one which probably receives the most attention and there is the most awareness around - it's the group who may not be able to work because of their mental health issues, they may be unable to hold down a relationship or any regular commitment such as volunteering, they withdraw almost completely from society due to the impact of their illness. 

But there is also another huge group of people who are what I've come to term 'functioning' because far from withdrawing, they seem to become more involved the more impact their health has on them. I have definitely always been in this bracket and I think that makes it much harder for others to see there is a mental health issue present or to understand it once it does emerge.

When your life's so full anyway and then you take on more and more in an attempt to mask your illness, it becomes your way of living that you pile more and more into your schedule and limit the amount of time you actually have to sit down on your own and confront the fact you're poorly.

People kept telling me 'you'll make yourself ill with all this work' but they didn't realise I was actually already ill and using that to mask it. When I was eventually admitted on to the ward, it was almost a relief to grind to a complete stop and do nothing. It was also a shock to the system to do a complete 180.

I feel whilst any stigma-reducing or awareness-increasing around mental health is valuable, we need to start thinking more about both groups of people. Yes it's important to look at the 'non-functioning' group and how to get them more involved in society but we also need to be aware of the huge numbers of people who from the outside might look alright - with a job, home, stable relationships etc - but in reality are struggling under the huge weight of the burden of mental illness.

School - where good mental health starts

When you spend a large portion of your life thinking about mental health, you come across all sorts of statistics. They never fail to shock or move me but sometimes one sticks out and stays with me for a long time. One of the biggest ones for me is the fact 50 per cent of all mental health issues emerge before the age of 14 and 75 per cent before 25.

Just let that sink in for a while. 

While we all know it's true (how often do you speak to someone and their mental health was a problem right from their school days?) and I myself am in that bracket, it's still a pretty staggering figure. And it makes it all the more puzzling why next to nothing is done in schools on mental health. I appreciate it's hugely dependant on which school you went to and I don't have firsthand experience of schooling in Redditch so really can't comment on what they are or aren't doing here; however it just isn't good enough things are done on such an ad hoc basic. Essentially it's luck of the draw whether your school will be good at dealing with mental health or not.

To me school is a place where you learn how to live in the real world. In theory your guide ropes tying you your parents or carers are snipped away slowly until you can stand without support. This not only requires you to learn educationally, but also to learn some life lessons too. Even if you think of it as being a 'sausage factory' churning out identi-kit corporate suits who have five degrees and all the business know-how you could ever want, these people are still that - people. They will have relationship breakdowns, traumatic events and plenty of stress to deal with, even if they're not affected by a diagnosable mental health issue.

Our formative years are exactly the time to be giving young people the tools the know how to deal with issues which will arise throughout their lives. We'll never eradicate severe mental health issues and there will always have to be a system set up to deal with those at that end of the spectrum but is is clear by talking openly and offering coping mechanisms we can make a change in the way the next generation tackle problems going forward.

I'm not for a minute suggesting untrained teachers should be responsible for this on top of the workload they already have but what I am strongly suggesting is we are doing a disservice to our children by sending them off into the big, wide world with a string of A grades but no emotional resilience except that which they've had to teach themselves.

There seems to be a fear which arises from the stigma surrounding mental health that we can't mention it to children - as if they may spontaneously combust at the mere mention of the topic. Of course sitting down pre-schoolers to have an in depth discussion on suicide is wholly inappropriate but age-appropriate sessions could and should be incorporated into school life so that it becomes normal to talk about mental health and wellbeing.

Every child experiences it - whether through their own issues or those of a family member or friend - so it's simply unacceptable to shy away from discussing it with them. It saves money in the long term if fewer children end up entering the system later on and more than that, it is our moral responsibility to guide them - not only educationally but also emotionally. We are failing the next generation if we don't.

Chair's welcome for our poetry night

I'd like to talk to you all about a subject close to my heart

No one was looking at mental health so we made a start

We wanted to bring it up as an important topic

Because when people ignore it, that's what gets on our wick

We held a meeting last May to see who would come

And since then we've done loads of work and had lots of fun

Fundraising's our aim to bring services to the town

And driving the stigma around it right down

We believe mental health is on a par with the physical stuff

And those who cope with illnesses are really quite tough

It's hard to find doctors who help and can seem like a task

We want there to be services out there when people ask

Thanks for coming to listen to a few poems tonight

We hope you'll think about donating to make the future bright

If you want to come along and get involved in MHAG

There's a monthly meeting, you won't find it a drag

In between we go to lots of different places

So you might think you've already seen our faces

If you want more information please come and find me

Or Beccy Blake who's my right hand lady

For now I'll end this poem and say goodnight

Because some of my rhymes are really quite shi...

Living with anxiety

Today marks the first day of Mental Health Awareness Week. Run by the Mental Health Foundation, this year it has the theme of anxiety. It's not often I choose to open up on the internet about my own mental health issues but if chairing MHAG has taught me anything, it's that I need to be as open as I can be about it to ensure we move forward. If people don't speak up about their experiences, how will we ever change anything? As anxiety has been a theme in my life for a long time, this week seemed like the perfect time to share. So here goes:

I’ve never had an imaginary friend but I imagine the reactions you’d get if you told people you had one are similar to the reactions if you reveal you have anxiety. Some people would also have had an imaginary friend or would know someone who has or would generally be empathetic and understand what you meant. Others would simply refuse to believe you had an imaginary friend, it’s not something they can see, feel or hear so why would they ever try and comprehend it? Some might tell you how ridiculous they thought you were, that you should stop pretending and start living in the real world.

I think the real problem with anxiety is a lack of understanding about what it actually means. A lot of people seem to confuse having anxiety with being anxious. Everyone gets anxious, it’s a normal part of life. Things like job interviews, driving tests and first dates are supposed to scare us and get adrenalin pumping around our body. Things like getting out of bed in the morning, going into a shop or talking to our friends, however, shouldn’t have the same effect.

For as long as I can remember, I have been aware some of the thoughts in my head are simply not rational. On good days, in good weeks or during good months most of the thoughts I have are fairly logical, I seek practical solutions to problems and I try and approach challenges with good spirit. On bad days, I lie in bed and convince myself everyone hates me and I’d be better off dead. It sounds dramatic but one small thought can spiral into a deep pit of despair where I’m almost paralysed by fear about the simplest of tasks. It can take me six hours to convince myself to walk into the next room, even if no one is in the house except me. I can stop eating because I can’t face going outside and having to interact with another human being, I can ignore calls from my friends and family and convince myself they’re better off without me.

This is without considering the physical effects of anxiety – the breathlessness, the shaking, the panic attacks, nausea and restlessness. Simple sounds such as someone tapping their foot or talking can feel as though they are explosions in my head, it can be painful to open my eyes and music is out of the question unless it has a very quiet beat which won’t set my heart racing.

My ‘tale of woe’ isn’t intended to be that. Probably 80 per cent of the time no one but my very nearest and dearest would suspect I was anything but a completely functioning person. I have had some fantastically high moments in the 14 years mental health has been an issue for me. I have fabulous friends and family, I live comfortably and safely and there are a thousand things I give thanks for every day. One of the worst reactions to anxiety is telling the person they should be grateful for what they have. It’s not about gratitude, it’s about a million thoughts racing around your brain at once, it’s about not being in control of your own thought processes, it’s about being unable to face some days, it’s about the painful process of putting yourself back together again every time you drop below that level of functioning you’ve managed to achieve.

If anxiety could be cured by sheer will – a want to get better, by care and compassion from your loved ones or simply by being too exhausted to carry on fighting it, I definitely wouldn’t be chopping and changing medication trying to find a magic pill which will stabilise me. I definitely wouldn’t have to duck out of some of my commitments when it’s a bad day. But equally I wouldn’t have started MHAG, I wouldn’t have met some of the best people I have in my life and I wouldn’t have such an acute feeling of being extremely fortunate. I’m not going to say I’m grateful to have anxiety because that would simply be a lie, but the journey it’s taken me on has made me start to accept it is part of me. I’m not wholly comfortable with that yet but maybe one day I will be. No one should be judged for having a mental health issue and the more accepting I am of my ‘imaginary friend’, the more I can stand up for others who maybe can’t shout as loud as I’m willing to.

Harriet.