The invisible man

The Invisible man - written by a Bromsgrove A-Level student

43 years of age. A grown man. I think, feel, hope, dream and love the same as everyone else. I support a football team, I hate sprouts, I love to garden and see new life emerging.  I vote in the election, I fancy girls – not all of them!  I love art, films, the theatre and most of all I love visiting the pub with my mates or indulging in my secret pleasure – mochachino!

Why then may I ask does everyone treat me differently?

It might not be so bad if it was because of my taste in football clubs or even my passion for mochachino. I could understand it better then.  Sadly though it is neither of these things.

“What could it be then?” I hear you cry.  Surely it can’t be so bad that it makes almost everyone that you come into contact with behave in such an adverse way towards you.

Mental health my friend, that’s my demon.

You’d think that it was associated with the dark arts or some underground criminality for the stigma that it brings and the doors that it closes.

At my lowest I needed specialist help and regularly attended a clinic for support, particularly when I was self-harming.  My mom came with me.

Don’t get me wrong, it was great that my mom came with me.  I know she finds it hard and blames herself – what could she have done differently – was it something she did – maybe she smothered me – maybe she didn’t smother me enough - but really she’s been a rock.

No the problem was the doctor!  What other medical condition can you have that renders your own doctor incapable of direct communication and forces him to speak to the person who you brought with you?

Yes you’ve got it, the doctor didn’t even eyeball me when he was explaining to my mom the condition that her 35 year old son was suffering from and what could be done!

Lucky I was there at all really!

Fortunately my mom gave them short shrift and told them I was ill not deaf or stupid and they could just as well talk to me directly.

Getting a jobs the next hurdle.  Equality and Diversity – that’s a laugh.  In most cases, in my experience, this just means they are really cute about finding out what you have got wrong with you before they take any risks like giving you a job.

I went to Uni.  I studied better than most and came away with a bloody good degree.  Why then must I be penalised for something that is not my fault.  I have a really good sickness absence record and am committed to everything that I do.  I bet I don’t have as much time off as some of the people who burn the candle at both ends and roll over in the morning because they can’t be bothered.

It’s interesting really. Four out of five people will suffer some form of mental health during their lifetime.  Why then it is such a taboo subject?

I sometimes wonder whether it’s the fear that it might be them next.  If they ignore me I might just go away and then they can get on with pretending it doesn’t exist and it’s only something that happens to other people.

“the people in our family don’t get depressed, they just get on with it – stiff upper lip and all that”  Yep someone actually said that to me! Can you get your breath!

The bit I don’t think anyone gets is the pain that society inflict on people like me when they make us hide away in the shadows for fear of rejection.

I’m not ill all the time but when I am I already think I’m rubbish, worthless, scum. I already hate myself. I don’t need anyone else to do it for me.